Broken Yet Beautiful
by ThereIsBeautyintheBreakdown
Summary: Edward has always loved Bella, but has never felt confident enough to tell her his true feelings. What will happen when their lives are inexplicably torn apart when Bella settles for Jacob? Warning :domestic violence.. AH; EXB; set in high school
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

I could feel the blood pooling in my mouth.

I couldn't breathe. I knew I needed to get out of here before he left a mark that would cause more questions.

"Jake" I gasped, "please."

I knew it was pointless to appeal to the Jake I knew; presently he was not here. His face, void of any emotion or feeling lashed out at me constantly now.

This was always our pattern.

We were dangerous for each other and I was the only one who knew it.

"Listen Bella, I never want you to be a little bitch in front of my friends, ever again."

Jake always tried to leave me with a reminder as to why he began the violence, but I knew it never made any sense.

I just nodded my head. Jake's eyes seemed to soften and he whispered "You know I never mean to hurt you baby. You just make me so crazy sometimes! You know you bring out the worst in me right?" He nudged my shoulder to try to get me to play along but I felt numb.

He had never hit me square in the mouth like he had just done. The violence was escalating.

You may ask me HOW it got to this point. Did I ever imagine myself being involved in an... well I guess I have to say abusive relationship? Before I even answer, you should know that NO girl dreams of their Prince Charming beating the crap out of them. In fact, if I saw myself here a year ago, I would have been astounded.

LEAVE! I would have shouted to this girl, this ghost of a person I had become.

Ah, if things were that simple.

The fact of the matter is, no violent relationship begins like this. At first, it's a fight that lasts just a little too long. You see a flash of something in his eye as he enjoys the domination, pinning you down and feeling powerful. Then, it's anger when you refuse to make out all the time. A hard pinch on the side that he says is just a joke.

Then slowly, things begin to spin out of control. Where do I go from here?

The beatings had become more frequent as of late, kicks in the stomach were commonplace. But hits to the face? I was ashamed of myself.

With all the courage I could muster, I stared Jake straight in the eye and said "This things between us? This abuse. It's over."

That's the last thing I remember.


	2. Chapter 2

1 Year ago

EPOV

Bella Cullen. I woke up with those words on my lips. What a foolish dream I had had.

I dreamt that Bella and I were in front of our family and friends , the people we both loved the most in this world declaring ourselves. Our love for one another.

What a joke.

I had been pining for Bella as long as I could remember.

I remember the first time I saw her. Alice brought over "the new girl from Phoenix" for a lesson in fashion and Forks Middle school and I could barely breathe when I saw her.

Of course, not wanting to freak her out, I nonchalantly greeted her and we became fast friends.

She could never know how much I cared for and loved her.

Alice knew something of my feelings, but I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable with the only girl she had ever really connected with.

Bella and I were instant, easy friends.

We never had to work hard for a conversation. If she knew my feelings for her, I knew things would change and I cared for her too much to ever not have her (at least in some capacity) in my life. Besides, she never showed me any special attention or any sign whatsoever that she felt the same way about me. I mean, I was into art and music while everyone else was into sports and.. well I don't know what else "they were into" and I guess that was kind of the problem.

In High School, things just got that much worse. I knew that I garnered some female attention and I could see that it bothered Bella. I'm sure she was annoyed that some of the girls in our grade acted like they knew me better than she knew me. The attention was always short lived when girls realized that I had no interest other than school and music. Basically, everyone thought I was antisocial and strange.. and I preferred it to be that way.

In the middle of our Sophomore year, I decided enough was enough. I needed to tell Bella how I felt or I would regret it forever.

Turns out I was too late. To avoid painfully embarrassing flashbacks, let's just say I walked in on in one Alice and Bella having the "first kiss talk". Bella had met a boy on the Indian Reservation (an old family friend of her father's) and she was absolutely gushing.

As I listened to Bella and watched as her face lit up, talking with her hands and making wild gestures, I realized it was never going to be me.

"and then, he leaned closer and kissed me! Kissed me Alice! It was the single most amazing experience of my life!" she gushed.

I could not stand the torture any longer.

I fled up to the music room of our house and wrote another one of my many pieces inspired by Bella.

------

"This one's so haunting and morose, Edward." my mother, Esme stated from the door.

As she regarded my expression, she gasped "what has happened. What has happened with Bella!?"

I was taken aback by her candid question. I think everyone in the world knew how I longed for Bella, but no one really ever spoke about it. I was private in my feelings, especially the deep and intense ones I had for her.

"She's met someone mom.. and I think I'm too late." I explained. Esme smiled at me tenderly, "Son, you are NOT too late. Sure, you may have waited a bit longer than you should have, but there's nothing about this situation that seems dire. You need to stop the self-pity. Bella needs a man, not a baby."I winced at her harsh, but true words.

"I know mom. It's just Alice has never had anyone like Bella. I would NEVER want to hurt their relationship by my foolishness."

Esme smiled at me as she backed out of the room "continue playing dear, your ear is remarkable."

I stayed in that room all afternoon. Dinner time came and went and I refused to head down to the kitchen. Bella was spending the night tonight and I just couldn't stomach it. Not like this.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Something about this piece was just not right.. but I couldn't define it. As I was about to throw in the towel, I heard a light knock on the door.


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

After spending the required amount of time with Alice having our "girl talk", I expected to see Edward. He always came down after he was finished with his homework to hang out with us.

Maybe today was different because I was spending the night.... I pondered to myself.

However, when he was a no-show to dinner, I became suspicious.

Edward loved his family more than anything else in the world. He hadn't missed a family dinner since, well I can't remember the last time he skipped a family dinner.

When Alice took a call from Jasper, I headed up to the music room (my first guess as to where Edward would be hiding himself).

I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

Edward tenderly answered "Come in" and I was, once again taken aback by the gentle hum of his voice. Edward was one of a kind. He possessed so much strength, yet his tender and bright personality was so endearing.

He would make any girl swoon...

ok..in all honesty, he made me swoon.

Too bad he only saw me as a friend.. but no matter, I was able to have Edward in my life like this and I was certainly not foolish enough to mess anything up by being attracted to him.

I cleared my voice as he smiled hesitantly at me."You weren't at dinner." I pouted and he chuckled.

"It was bad enough when I didn't see you after school, but skipping dinner too? You're acting like Alice when Jasper's over.. I feel completely ignored." I joked.

His eyes filled with regret "I'm sorry Bella, I came down to see you but you and Alice were.. uhm.. talking and I didn't want to interrupt." he shifted his eyes back to his grand piano.

My face turned beet red. Oh God, he had heard me talking about JAKE.

This was a disaster. He was most likely disgusted with my girlish and immature squeals talking about my first kiss.

He peered at me, looking into my eyes searchingly..

I of course I did the most natural thing I could muster. I began trying to explain. I'm sure he had no idea what I was talking about but he waited for me to get my words together as I stammered and looked down at my feet.

"This is just embarrassing.." I explained, trying to make up a reason as to why I was so mortified...

Edward couldn't know that at the precise moment I kissed Jake, I was wishing Edward was leaning into me, kissing me with his perfect lips and that I was touching his auburn mess of hair.

Edward quirked his eyebrows at me. He clearly saw no reason as to why I would be embarrassed talking about kissing other boys with him. I was so humiliated.

"I guess telling you is kinda is like thinking about my father catching me making out with my boyfriend on the couch."

Edwards eyes turned dark and he seemed revolted by the idea. But there was something else lurking in his eyes, something I couldn't quite comprehend.

"Oh so he's your boyfriend huh?" Edward said, almost sadly? As he looked down at his piano.

This was a disaster. I didn't know what to say. I stared at the back of his head dumbly and he just seemed to collapse into the piano bench.

"well it's about time right?" I laughed, trying to brighten the room.

I saw his jaw clench and I was afraid the action was causing him pain.

Edward snapped his head back to me with those intense green eyes and stared thoughtfully "Yeah, about time."

I nodded and, thinking he wanted to be left alone, slowly backed out of the room.

"Bella" he stammered anxiously halting my steps.. "Uhm.. well" he looked so nervous.. "You don't have to leave you know.. " Then he gave me my favorite smile. His endearing and all too lovable crooked smile. God how I loved him.


	4. Chapter 4

2 Months Later

EPOV

My life has been in torment these past few months. I long for moments with Bella, but when I see her.. Jake is all she can talk about.

I hate him.

No, I want to BE him.

Now I know I will never have the chance I always imagined having with Bella. Jake is my EXACT opposite.

If you could see him, you'd know what I mean.

Now I've only met him a couple of times, but pictures of him and Bella.. together are ALL over facebook. Yes.

I have transformed into a creepy Internet stalker.

She is still like a drug to me. Everything about her is so fascinating and brilliant to me.

She doesn't even realize her beauty and just the power she holds over me.

But there's just one little... no BIG problem- she is completely and utterly in love with Jacob.

There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it.

He, the outgoing, fun-loving, jock of the century... me a pale, antisocial bookworm.

I have no chance.

And now, I not only have confirmation that my dreams are shattered, I have to see my dreams being lived out right in front of my face.

As I was continuing my self- pitying rant in my mind, I heard my bedroom door open. Alice, never one to knock came bounding in my room.

No, bounding is not the right word. Bounding is too heavy.

Anyway, she came into my room happy and all smiles. I can never fully comprehend HOW we are related.

She walked straight into my closet without saying a single word.

"Dearest Alice?" I mockingly called out to her "What on earth are you doing?"

She came out of my closet and handed me my nicest pair of shoes, shirt and pants. Her newest outfit she bought for me. "You're coming out tonight" she said without a question in her eyes.

"Well, I..." I stammered, not knowing how to get out of this.

"No brother." she stated firmly. "You have been moping for two months now which.." she began trailing off muttering.. "Bella, Edward.. need to realize they're meant for each other.. do I have to do everything around here?"

"Alice!" I exclaimed in horror and embarrassment. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Listen EDDIE. I may be weird and offbeat, and just maybe just a touch too positive. But I'm not blind. You are in love with Bella."

I tried to think of a quick lie, something to get Alice off my back... but I was sick of pretending. No more lies. "Yes, I am" I said without any hesitation.

She seemed a bit taken aback by my honesty. "Well, yes.." ummm

"AND.. she unfortunately is in love with Jacob." she stated, just as naturally... not realizing or not caring that those words shattered my world into a million pieces.

She saw my expression and her gaze hardened "Listen Edward.. I don't pity you. Well I do, but I mean now is not the time to withdraw, ok? You need to face the facts and either move on or win her back... but you're going to have to put up one hell of a fight. Jacob is perfect in her eyes." I winced and she said, a bit more tenderly this time "Just so you know what you're up against"

I nodded reluctantly. "Now Edward, how's this going to work? Would you like to bring a date?"

I vehemently was against this idea. No way.

I would not treat a girl badly by asking her out for no reason and staring at Bella the entire night. That would be ridiculously cruel.

Alice pouted "Fine. No date. But no sulking either!"

"Maybe you'll get to meet someone there! We're going to that new sports bar! Ok.. I need you showered, dressed and ready to go in 20. We're meeting in OUR living room but come to my room first so I can help you straighten up."

BPOV

Tonight would be fun. I was excited to hangout with everyone, just like old times.. only with Jacob now.

Things were great with Jake. Sometimes he bothered me with his possessiveness but he always reassured me that he just loved me so deeply.

Wow. Love. I never knew I could feel these emotions so quickly- that someone would actually feel them back !! It was probably the best feeling in the world.

Love.

It was almost so great that I forgot about Edward and what being with him would feel like... almost as great but not quite enough.

Jake was running late again but tonight I wasn't going to start a fight. I didn't need a heated battle with him in front of my friends. That's what we were like.. hot tempers, stubborn judgment calls. He called it passion.. I called it just a little too much sometimes.

As I waited by my front door, Charlie came in the back door, home early from work. He smiled at me and asked about my plans for the night. He was suspicious until I mentioned Jake, then his face lit up like a kid at Christmas.

"Jake.." he said gruffly "Now he's a fine boy. I'm so glad you are together. See ya Bells" he muttered quietly as he heard Jake's motorcycle pull up.

Motorcycle. My blood began to boil. I had specifically asked him to bring his truck. He was defying me on purpose.

I huffed out the front door. As he was taking off his helmet, I could see the smug expression on his face. "Bells.. now before you start..."

"No Bells Jake and YES I'm going to start. I specifically recall a conversation we JUST had where I asked you not to bring the motorcycle. I spent time on my hair and I'm wearing a dress. I refuse to go on the bike with you. You can meet us there, I'll have Alice pick me up or Edward cause I think Alice was gonna get him to come tonight," I said nonchalantly hoping nothing would set him off.

I peered back at him and in a flash, his smug expression had transformed into rage. "Don't you dare start that lip with me. I say we go on my goddamn bike.. we go on it, got it? He said lowly.. but ever so dangerously. "Now are you going to be a good girl and get on my bike or am I gonna have to drag you?" he asked me like I was a child.

"No Jake. I don't feel comfortable on your bike.'

"Like hell you don't Bella." his eyes were pitch black now. Dangerous and mean. "worried about your hair? Let me let you in on a little secret Bella, you really can't do much with your hair anyway. It's boring and brown just like the rest of you, but I love you anyway." he said meanly, as if this was just a fact of life that he unfortunately had to deal with.

I could feel the tears pricking my eyes.

No, this wasn't how the night was supposed to go. Another night ruined by his violent moods. I don't recall if I actually shook my head no or if my unwillingness to verbally respond quickly set him off, but all at once I felt pain in my side.

He had pinched me... hard... like hard enough to leave a bruise.

"I'm not going to ask you again Bella" he whispered, tugging on my hair a bit painfully too.

I gulped.

He had never touched me like that. What do you do in a situation like this? Should I go back inside? No, I can't ruin the night. I would be absolutely mortified when everyone found out I was overreacting about a stupid motorcycle. And I mean, a pinch isn't all that bad is it? He was still grabbing onto the skin on my side.. hard..

"Ok." I stared blankly.. at nothing. This wasn't happening.. right? He let go of my skin with a final twist and we hopped on the bike. I was lost in a cloud of confusion.

EPOV

No one was in Alice's room as I waited for her seal of approval so I headed down to the living room just as I heard the door open. Bella was walking towards me, her hair flowing around her. She looked like an angel.

I wanted to reach out to her and kiss her. Tell her how beautiful and perfect I thought she was.

She hadn't seen me yet. She went to the mirror in our foyer and with shaky hands, began applying lip gloss. What could she possibly be nervous about?

"Bella.. beautiful" I half whispered.. half spoke out loud.

Her hands froze in mid air as she spun around to face me.

The air left my lungs when I saw the look on her face. She was putting on a brave face,but lurking beneath the shadows.. something was deeply hurting her.

"You're actually coming tonight?" she stared at me with a hint of annoyance at my very presence..

Ouch. Wounded ego....check!

"Well.." umm I scratched the back of my head put off by her reluctance to see me..I decided at this point, there were two roads to take.. one would be to go back to my safe cocoon- my music or try my best to keep things light.

Bella and I were young.. we didn't need to be angsty or depressed.. and by we I meant I.

"Yeah Bells.. you saying you're sick of me? We hardly hang out anymore!" I smiled at her

She instantly tensed up and her expression darkened "Don't call me that.. Bells. It was never a nickname with us." she snapped back

I was shocked by her venom "Umm ok... I was just kidding with you because I know you hate the nickname, just like I hate Eddie..."

Her face didn't normalize, in fact her defenses were definitely rearing to go "I never said I hated the nickname, I just really don't want you calling me that, ok?"she snapped

"Ok, I guess." I was so confused by this conversation. Bella and I never had a hard time communicating so this was just torture.

How could I make it right?

I decided giving a friendly hug would suit us just fine.

I reached down to apologize and her face finally broke as she smiled freely at me.. that is, until I hugged her.

She was instantly repulsed.

She lurched back from me as soon as I grabbed her waist to embrace her and stared at me in a look of mortification.

I was utterly confused.

She despised me? What had I done?

"Edward I.." she stammered, trying to collect herself.

Just then, Jake walked in the front door "Bells, I parked out back, just like you asked me to." I stared at him stupidly, then back at her.. trying to register everything that had happened in the last 5 minutes but none of it made any sense at all.

I didn't realize my heart was not done breaking.

"Well I hope you guys enjoy your night." I muttered, forcing a smile as best I could then started back up the stairs to my own personal sanctuary.

As I was walking back up the stairs I heard Jake mocking me "Man, Cullen's a freak! He was totally dressed to go out with us tonight."

My ears perked up as I imagined Bella defending me, but instead she responded "Yeah, I know what you mean. I have no idea what his problem is. Maybe there is something wrong with him, like you said." she said in the meanest tone I had ever heard come of her mouth.

I was in shock, but resolute. Resolute that I would no longer pine for Bella Swan.


	5. Chapter 5

4 Months Later

BPOV

Jake and I had been together for 6 months.

Wow.

Time sure flies by.. only not for me.

Ever since the night of the whole motorcycle incident., Edward began completely ignoring me.

School had started back up and even though we were lab partners, he refused to talk to me about anything else other than our assignments.

However, instead of retreating into himself like he had our first two years of high school, he became Mr. Social. Ok, so he wasn't going to be Class President any time soon, but he was certainly making waves in the whole dating scene.

Well, I guess making waves isn't quite accurate either.

Let's face it. I was dying without having him in my life and I was envious of anyone who WAS spending time with him.

I missed him terribly.. especially since things had gotten worse with Jacob. The bad times DEFINITELY outweighed the good now.

ANYTHING would set him off.

The worst was when, complaining about Edward and him ignoring me, Jake began to get jealous, saying I shouldn't care about any guy other than him.

He hit me.. hard.. right in the stomach.

That's the first time he really punched me.

Jacob apologized every day for a week about his behavior. He knew what he was doing was wrong, he just didn't know how to stop.

"It's just my love for you Bella. I promise you.. it's just I have no much passion sometimes.. I just can't control myself." he would adamantly say.

I knew the real truth.

I was getting used to abuse and not just physical, but emotional and psychological. I was taking it, consoling myself that this time it didn't hurt quite as much or this time the bruise healed over quickly so I was able to wear my bikini without fear of the truth coming out.

I consoled myself constantly.. but I was deeply depressed.

More than anything, I missed Edward too much.

I knew it was wrong because I had a boyfriend now and we were really committed (so much so that I would lie for him constantly).

I knew a huge part of me was missing.

I needed Edward in my life.

Our biology class together was comical now. He refused to talk about anything but the class.. calmly averting questions I would ask him. This needed to stop.

EPOV

Bella seemed nervous around me all the time now.

I thought ignoring her would be easy.

But things were getting more,... complicated.

I walked to the back of the class as usual and opened my book. Today we were doing probably the simplest lab in the entire world. It would take us no time at all, if we worked together- meaning we would have about an hour free by my estimation.

This was a disaster.

I had tried to prolong every lab we did so we didn't have that free time, but it was inevitable with this.

I was screwed. Oh wait, she thought I was a freak.

Perhaps, I could just listen to my Ipod and stare out the window. I guess that's the freaky behavior she was talking about? No problem.

As I was staring out the window contemplating these things, I felt her walk in the room.

I don't know what it is about Bella, but I can sense her. I can feel her very presence in the room.

I know instantly when she's around because all of my energy shifts and she is the sole focus.

Man, I would DIE if she ever knew these thoughts.

Surely, there is nothing more freaky or weird than some guy saying his energy literally shifts when you walk in the room.

But it was true for me.

Anyway, I could see her out of the corner of my eye. She was walking confidently, with a look of determination.

Right as she made it to our table (and in true Bella style), she tripped seemingly over nothing and began to fall.

Without a second thought, I lurched forward to grab her and save her from hitting the ground.

She cried out in pain.

I almost dropped her in surprise.

As soon as she righted herself, that defensive, completely non-Bella face took over.

She smoothed out her clothes and sat down, right as I was taking my seat.

Since she did not want to talk, I stared out the window once again.

I could hear her clearing her throat.

"Edward" she said softly, almost whispering.

I knew looking over at her would just be cruel to myself, but I did it anyway.

"Yes, Bella" I tried to answer, as calmly as possible.

"Thank you" she half smiled and we stared at each other for what seemed like eternity.

"Listen.. I've been wanting to talk to you about something" she began and I leaned forward, incredibly interested as to what she had to say.

Just then, my worst nightmare came walking up to our lab table.

Jessica Stanley.

"Oh my God Edward, I had SUCH a great time with you the other night" she said, all while smacking obnoxiously on her gum. "We should totally go out again."

My eyes glanced over to her.

Man, my luck. The one girl I want more than anything in the world is talking to me for the first time in 3 months (I mean really talking) and the girl I could NEVER want completely ruins the moment.

"Thanks Jessica. I'm really busy with school right now and applying for Julliard which requires tons of work on my music but it was fun to hang out with you." I smiled at her, hoping the brush off wasn't too obvious.

Jessica's eyes turned venomous then and she glared at Bella.

I had no idea as to how Bella was a part of our conversation, but Jessica sneered as she stated"thanks for the warning Bella... you were right... our class virgin freak is intent on staying that way just like you said." she sneered with disdain "never again will you get the pleasure of my company Edward Cullen" she smacked, trying to be classy.

I nodded curtly at her and my jaw clenched as she sulked to the very back of the class.

Bella's mouth was agape.

I was enraged.

I could not be in this class any longer.

Besides, Banner wouldn't mind me skipping this class- I already knew the material backwards and forwards.

I walked out and headed straight to the office.

School was for those who wanted to learn and believe me I did not want to learn any more about what my former best girl friend, the girl I had foolishly been in love with thought of me.


	6. Chapter 6

4 Months Later

BPOV (Jake and Bella together for 11 months)

If I thought things couldn't get any more worse for me and Edward, I was terribly wrong.

After that day in Banner's class, Edward refused to look at me.

This may make him sound like an overreactive drama queen but he didn't really have the ability to look at me.

He reversed his schedule. The first block of his day was in the East wing (mine was in West) and his second block was home study for music.

When you're as brilliant as Edward and your father is the most prominent doctor in town, things like this just happen.

Alice wasn't exactly mad at me, but I could tell that she was really worried about Edward.

I wish I could tell you that I could be more worried about Edward.. but I was too busy with my double life.

It's so strange to think that almost a year ago, I had been wishing for Edward to declare his love for me.

Now I couldn't even recognize that girl.

My double life consumed me.

I had quickly forgotten about EVERYTHING that I had once loved.

I stopped reading my favorite books and instead I would look in the mirror, disgusted by the bruises, now all over my body.

I wore long sleeves and jeans always.

I began to look sloppy.

Jake said it didn't matter what I did anyway, that I would always be plain.. but that I was lucky enough to be loved by him.

Truly, his verbal abuse was almost as terrible as his physical abuse.

Each time something set him off (which now could be any number of things), he would apologize and beg me to forgive him.

I always did.

I know what you're thinking. "STOP!" "Don't go back!" It's better to have no boyfriend and be bruise-free and happy, then to have a boyfriend who does this to you.

I know.

I should believe that.

Every time I try to leave, he tells me things will be different, that he's gonna stop.

He's had a rough week, his dad is sick again, he misses his mom.. ANYTHING to get me to stay.

And... I always do.

Alice is worried about me.

She knows Jake makes me miserable. She knows I miss Edward every single day of my now pathetic life.. but if she really knew the extent of the damage, she would call the cops (AKA my father) who would deny me.

Jake has made it blatantly clear that he knows my father would choose him over me any day.

And I believe him.

And that terrifies me.

I live in constant fear of losing everything.

Especially since I have given away almost everything.

I will NOT have sex with Jake.

I won't do it.

We've made it very far, but that's a common theme in our fights.

He says I'm not committed to him yet, but I know that he would not be gentle with me.

His anger is getting worse by the day.

These thoughts consume me and I think of nothing else most days.


	7. Chapter 7

1 Week Later

BPOV

I saw him.

A flash of copper in the hall.

Of course, I had ordained for this to happen.

Jake and I had not spoken now for a good 2 days. (a new record since we began dating)

The last time, he had caused me to bruise in my legs and stomach. I had a huge bruise on my upper arm that would probably take 2 weeks to go away and I was livid. Strangely, not at him, but at the inconvenience of it all.

Back to the flash of copper.

Well, I saw him walking swiftly into the music room.

I decided this was it.

Months and months of endless silence between us (avoidance when I went over to the Cullen's and he was always over at Jasper's) was about to end.

I walked without hesitation into the music room.

Edward was hunched over the piano, playing the most amazing piece of music, I had ever heard.

His back was facing me, but by the disarray of his hair, I could tell he had been working on this probably all day (and most likely the night before). There were sheets of music everywhere.

But there Edward sat, so peaceful in the mess of it all.

I loved him.

He was perfect.

The song ended almost before it began for me and before I could even say a word, or give a sign that he was in the room, he spoke to me, back facing me all the while.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it Bella?" he said so softly, almost numbly.

As he turned around, I gasped at his appearance.

He looked like he hadn't slept in years. The sheer weight of his stare was not lost on me. His face, void of any emotion I could rightly place cracked as he tortuously whispered "what brings you to the freak zone of Forks High School?" fire beginning to burn in his eyes.

I had never seen him like this.

I was speechless, and a bit frightened by him. I didn't trust men as it was.

"I..um... well" I kicked my shoes and looked down at them, hoping for inspiration as to what to say.

I looked back up and he had wordlessly gotten so close to me, I could feel his breath on my skin.

He was towering over me.

I was stunned. If I thought I could form a coherent sentence before, it was impossible now.

I lurched back, hoping for air.

His eyes grew incredibly more sad. "You know you don't have to worry about me right?" he said, trying his best to make the crooked smile I loved so much appear, though it looked like it was almost painful for him to do so.

His eyes shifted as he said "Alice needs to stop guilting you. I know that's the only reason you're here Bella, and it's very nice.. but I just can't be around you. Not after everything, you know?"

No. He was trying to let me off the hook.

He was nothing like I recognized. The passion I loved about him, the brilliance, the excitement I had always seen was nowhere to be found.

It was ok for me to suffer in silence, but not HIM. Anyone but him. He deserved more than that. I needed to light the fire. Renew his passion.

But how?

Oh right, I'm still ridiculously in love with him, so this should be natural, right?

"Edward" I said with confidence, as he seemed shocked to have heard my name with such fervor. "Alice has never guilted me into anything, especially regarding you. I think you know why I'm here. I'm the worthless bitch who betrayed you." Edward's eyes were nearly popped out of his head at that comment, "but see, I don't really get why you'd care exactly" I stated emphatically, but I knew the bitterness was seeping out "I'm possibly the most boring, average girl at this school. Honestly, why should you care? And even if you do or did or whatever.. you choose to just ignore me? I mean, I could think of a million things you could reveal about me to the school that wouldn't hurt me half as much as you ignoring me. But let me tell you, I'm not even going to ask you to forgive me because I KNOW that you deserve a friend that I can never be and how you fooled yourself into thinking I was good enough to even be around you is beyond me but clearly I'm not...."I ended my rant with a submissive sigh.

I certainly wasn't expecting what happened next.

Edward was enraged. He stalked forward to me and with a voice so threatening so terrifying he raised his voice to a non-Edward like level, "What the hell has happened to you Bella?" ending a bit more softly, but with such anger and intense concern, I could barely breathe.

I could only stare at him blankly. As he raised his arms in defeat, I clearly misinterpreted it for an attempt to take a swing at me.

I lurched back and covered my face and nearly curled up into a ball.

I blanched. I completely freaked out, and knew then that he saw the fear, no absolute terror in my eyes, peaking out through the crevices of my hands.

He was dismayed, confused, and too curious.

The lies had been building up and this was just one more I had to tell to make sure my double life would never be exposed.

I barked out a laugh.

"Edward. I clearly made a mistake in coming here. Alice begged me to make sure you were ok.. but I couldn't care less. Freak. What are you even doing in here? You need some sleep and that piece you just played? It's garbage and you know it." I ended meanly as his concern and anger melted into extreme hurt.

I had never seen a look so pained in my life.

He turned his back to me then and couldn't see the tears now halfway down my face.

"Goodbye Bella" he whispered softly as I let myself out.

The uncontrollable sobs made it impossible to go to class for the rest of the day and I knew, as soon as the words were spoken that I would never forgive myself for what I had just done.


	8. Chapter 8

EPOV  
Emotional rollercoaster.

Up and down and all around.

I had to do something. I had to stop the violence... but I had no idea where to begin.

If I told Alice what had happened (and I hadn't shared any of Bella's mean comments with her) I knew that Bella would stop speaking to Alice and the sad part is, I loved Bella enough to know that she needed Alice more than ever now.

As I paced around my room, I began thinking about what I could do... how I could reach Bella.

She was being abused- my Bella, the love of my life was being hurt and it was causing her to become bitter, a strange version of the woman she was supposed to become.

This could not continue.

I had to do something!

OK.. but what.. I can't go to the police.. her father wouldn't believe it and Bella would probably accuse me of being a stalker to get me off the trail and do something she would just torture herself for later in order to push me away.

My parents were out of the question because I had been acting psychotic for about a year now and anything I said was up for grabs.

I needed to get the truth out of her. To show her how much I loved her.

I had let her down by not being there.. acting immaturely and switching my schedule because it was too painful for me.

Well enough of that.

Bella was suffering far more than emotional pain.

I needed to man up and I knew just how I was going to start.


	9. Chapter 9

BPOV

I couldn't stop crying as I made my way home.

How could I keep doing this to Edward?

I knew that he was on my trail now. He would be waiting for a moment to step in and save me and I couldn't bear the thought of what I would do to him- how I would keep myself from being the victim.

No matter how many times I would try to convince myself that I wouldn't hurt Edward, I would do it.

This is the problem.. I act like Jake is to blame for all of my hurt but I know I'm a big reason for it as well.

I cause a lot of it. I'm nowhere near good enough for him, let alone Edward. It's just so much easier to be with someone who is honest about your relationship.

Edward worships me but only because Jake did the same thing when we first got together.. and sure, Edward would NEVER hurt me physically like Jake does but Edward would eventually get bored and leave me .. which would be infinitely worse than physical wounds.

I was doing what made sense.

If I could just figure out how to stop messing up around Jake and lessen some of the violence things would be ok.

EPOV

I had a plan.

Alice smiled at me at breakfast because she could just sense that something was brewing.

"I love you brother" she smiled tenderly at me and then winked as she bounced back up to her room to finish getting ready.

I was headed to school early to meet with the guidance counselor.

Every class I had was about to be changed. Behold the talent of the school genius freak.

BPOV

Dressing today was far worse than anything. I had bruises all over. I hated myself so much I could barely look in the mirror.

I just felt something about today.

Something was going to change.. be different. I felt like I was at a tipping point in my life and I didn't know what it meant.

I made my way to school and was a bit late. Mr. Robbins glared at me, though I was his best english student by a long shot and I trudged back to my seat in the back row. As I was getting out my notebook, I caught a flash of bronze hair directly to my left.

I gasped and looked over at it and Edward just stared steadily back at me.

What the hell was he doing in 11th grade english? He should be in AP Literature right now.

He didn't smile or smirk he just stared evenly at me for the entire class period.

I was thoroughly unsettled.

As the bell was ringing, I ran out of the classroom, exhausted by the strain of resisting Edward, not being with him.

I made my way to history in a bit of a huff.

As I walked in I was horrified to find Edward sitting next to my assigned seat.

He gave me that same stare and I was even more freaked out.

I still had nothing to say to him so I nodded curtly and took my seat, busying myself with notes from the previous class.

Again, I could see him just keeping me in his eyeline throughout the entire class.

I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks.

What was going on?

The rest of the day went in a similar fashion.

He was in every single class of mine.

In between classes, after that first period where I bolted he always walk a few paces behind me.

I was panicked. It was like he was behaving like my own personal bodyguard.

Any time I would begin to stumble (which was often) he would support me. The worst moment was when I tried over a backpack strap in Algebra. He simply grabbed me by the waist, waited until I was steady and then resumed his watchful stare.

I was completely unnerved and panicked.

Biology was our last class before lunch and I knew I had to do something before he really had the opportunity to talk to me about all of this.

I had to do it.

I had to make a scene.

I knew that Alice would find out immediately and probably never forgive me but I needed to do this. No one could ever find out what Edward was beginning to know. That I had let my boyfriend abuse me for a year and I was too chicken shit to tell anyone so it just got worse.

And now, I was on the verge to hurt the man of my dreams permanently so he would stop trying to save me from my life.

Jessica came up to our lab table and brought her entire entourage.

God, this was so easy it was almost unfair.

Edward tensed up next to me, almost like he could sense what I was about to do.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear "You don't have to do this Bella. I love you."

I felt my stomach lurch and my heart pound.

If only my life was that simple.

Jessica, Mike, Lauren, the whole gang was walking up to our lab table. Jessica was smacking on her gum. "Bella, we're all talking about Cullen's major class schedule change.. what do you think about it?"

I almost couldn't believe that they talked about Edward like he wasn't sitting right next to me. I almost couldn't believe it, then I remembered that I had instigated a lot of this. My attempt to hide my obsessive feelings was to show hatred and disdain for my best friend's brother though she had no idea I behaved this way.

A public display of my pettiness would certainly land me in trouble with Alice but Edward was SO close to cracking the walls of my self image and I just could not let that happen.

"I feel like he should crawl back into the cave of freakville with all the other band geeks." I snickered but it was hallow.

"You're better than this Bella." he whispered sadly, but a new determination was set and I knew he was not going to give up easily.

"In that I'm better than you? Absolutely." I replied snidely.

He flinched at my words and patiently continued looking straight into my soul "Now that, I'll freely admit" he smiled a hint of his crooked smile at me and I swear I almost gave in.

I panicked quickly searching for the worst thing I could possibly do.. "Oh, stop using Alice to act like you have a connection with me. Your stupid infatuation with me is just embarrassing." I sucker punched him and saw that he had no idea I would go there.

Attacking his newly revealed feelings for me? That was low. That was despicable.

This was who I had become.

I had never hated myself more.

The entire entourage laughed uproariously at this, thinking I was the smartest bitch in the world when in reality I was just an injured bitch, desperately trying to get Edward away from me.. as quickly as possible before he figured out more than he or I could handle.

As class started, I noticed that Edward was almost completely still. He was looking at me thoughtfully from the corner of his eye.

As our lab work was being assigned (an assignment Edward and I could do with our eyes closed) he leaned in to whisper to me again "I will not be embarrassed about my feelings for you.. no matter how many times you try to push me away.. I'm not ashamed that I love you more than anything and I want to be with you. All these games, all these things you do to try to push me away.. they're nothing. I won't stop until I know that you absolutely could never love me back"

I blanched at the truth in his words.

I was so screwed.

I couldn't even think of a retort.

I looked into his eyes really for the first time today.

I was in so much pain, I could feel a jolt course through me as I let him in, just through my expression.

"I'm always here Bella. You need to stop pushing me away. I love you." he stated seriously.

"I'm so sorry Edward" I whispered turning away.

"No apology necessary. I should have told you the first moment I met you. I should have shouted from the rooftops. Nothing is more important to me than you. You can make fun of me all you want with your friends but that's such a small price to pay to try to win you." he said with such sincerity I could feel tears prick in my eyes.

"It's just too late, I'm damaged" my voice breaking as I grabbed my things to head out of the room

Banner tried to stop me but I told him I needed the nurse.

I knew Edward would follow.


	10. Chapter 10

EPOV

I couldn't let her leave.

She was pushing me away because she thought I would see her as damaged.

How could she ever think that?

I needed to reason with her.

Telling Banner I needed to make sure she got to the nurse ok, I stole out to the hallway only to find Bella attempting to run to the nearest exit.

I followed her knowing exactly where she would be headed.

Our Meadow.

BPOV

I knew Edward would follow me and I knew that he would know exactly where to go.

A year ago, Edward would come here almost every weekend.

It was the one place where we both felt free to be ourselves. I often laughed that I wished we could bring a piano for Edward since with the exception of hearing Edward's music, this place was perfect.

I made my way to the brilliantly colored meadow and laid down in the grass, just waiting for Edward to appear.

Coming through the clearing, I lost all ability to think straight. The look in his eyes, the confidence in his stride.. he was beautiful and I loved him so much it hurt.

Deeply.

EPOV

Seeing Bella so unguarded for the first time in an entire year set me reeling.

My feelings for her were overflowing.

I was so overwhelmed with everything that had gone on in just the past two days I couldn't think of anything to say.

I decided the best course of action would be laying down next to her and just being there for her.

Whenever she was ready to talk, I was going to be there to listen.

BPOV

For the next few hours Edward and I talked about everything. I explained the violent relationship I had with Jake and how threatened he was by Edward, so threatened that I felt it necessary to lie about Edward to make sure Jake wouldn't hurt him.

Sure that sounds illogical, but it made sense at the time.

I cried hysterically for the first hour, so ashamed of myself and what I had let happen between me and Jake and me and Edward.

Halfway through my self hating rant, Edward broke down the last remaining walls I had.

EPOV

Right around the time Bella told me that she would never forgive herself for what she did to me.. I broke the tension with a simple laugh.

Bella looked shocked by my humor in these painful reflections of what had happened between us, but honestly, I found it humorous.

First of all, I'm the one who should be blamed for letting everything get to this point.. If I hadn't been such an angsty idiot, I would have really SEEN my Bella and what she was going through.

But most of all, I needed her to realize that she was forgiven the moment I realized where she was coming from.

There was no hiding from what was meant to be between us.

Now, with all of the secrets out in the open there was no denying what was destined to be from the first time I laid eyes on her.

Everything between us just fit perfectly and I was more than overjoyed that we were there, no matter how much she tried to push me away in the process.

BPOV

Edward was taking everything in with so much understanding, so much grace, he seemed so much older than a 17 year old.

I could not believe the confidence and loyalty he possessed, especially regarding me.

How could this beautiful, talented, insanely intelligent person love me this much.. and be put through hell by me over and over again, only to laugh it off and come to an understanding about it all?

He was too perfect for words and my heart was overflowing with love for him.

It's like the key in the lock had turned, and everything was falling into place.

EPOV  
Bella and I formed a plan of attack, so to speak, about how she would talk to her father and get him to understand what was really going on right below his nose.

We talked for a couple hours just about how much help Jacob (that swine) really needed and

as much as I wanted to tear him to shreds, there was something seriously wrong with him and he needed immediate help.

We devised a plan of action and once Bella felt that there was an escape, we just stayed there in our meadow. Peaceful, full of love for once and the happiest we had both ever been, especially after this past year.

I finally had the woman of my dreams in my arms and she loved me.

Nothing could replicate this feeling. I would never forget this moment, for the rest of my life.

BPOV

School was about to get out and I knew I had to get home to talk to my father first thing. He took Wednesdays off because it was normally the slowest day in Forks (Not that every other day wasn't also slow..) but I really needed to confess everything to him and talk to him about

counseling for me and for Jake.... separately of course.

Edward kissed me lovingly and tenderly and I felt like my brain was about to explode. My heart completely lost control and I was overwhelmed with the love he expressed to me in that single kiss.

I looked up into his shining eyes as he whispered a phrase he had been repeating all day "I love you more than anything Bella."

I smiled back at him "You're just too good for me."

His crooked smile turned down at this "Beautiful Bella, never sees herself clearly. You will one day. I will constantly be reminding you how wonderful and special you really are." he stated firmly, smiling once again.

We followed the muddy trail right back to the school parking lot, holding hands as we went.

As we approached the parking lot, I squeezed Edward's hand tighter, blown away by their softness.

He smiled down at me.

I looked back up at him hesitantly "Edward, this is something I have to do on my own. I need to talk to my dad, and then Jake. You shouldn't be there.. not yet."

Edward's smile hardened into a straight line "Bella, I want to protect you. I haven't been there were you needed me the most. Please let me be there. Please" he was begging now, but I was resolute.

"No, I love you so much and I can't wait until we are officially together, but this is just something I'm gonna have to do on my own. I will call you later tonight!" I grabbed fistfulls of his hair and kissed him with all the passion I possessed.

"Love you Edward" I said with passion as I climbed into my truck.

Driving back to my house, I thought to myself that I could not wait for this chapter in my life to be over and for my new chapter with Edward to begin.

Little did I know, this chapter had a few more plot twists than I had been expecting.


	11. Chapter 11

EPOV

Alice was grinning from ear to ear as I sauntered back to my car, although with not a whole ton of swagger. My Bella had been greatly wounded by Jake and I couldn't help but be saddened by everything, yet overjoyed at the same time.

It certainly was an interesting juxtaposition.

"I knew it. Never bet against Alice I say" my younger sister chatted inanely, yet I couldn't stop smiling as I made my way to our home, anxious to hear from Bella.

BPOV

I got a bit of an uneasy feeling as I pulled up to my house. Something was off.

Charlie wasn't there and I couldn't imagine why he wouldn't be.

I almost had the urge to call Edward and let him know that I had changed my mind, but I chastised myself for being so paranoid.

I let myself into the house and was greeted with a painful pull of my hair.. pushing me into the closest chair.

"ugggghhhh" I landed with a thud "what the hell is going on?" I demanded, groggy with pain.

"You stupid bitch." I heard Jake's mean voice and instantly I was terrified.

"No Jake, no. Charlie's coming home soon" I cried frantically

"Nope" he replied quickly "fishing with my father, actually there's a note here "needed more fish Bells, be back tomorrow! Maybe you can stay with Alice? Love ya, Charlie" Jake read with bitter sarcasm.

"I don't think a sleepover is an option" his black eyes were glaring at me coldly.

"Now listen closely" he began but I whimpered which elicited a backhand slap across my face.

"I SAID listen." he answered menacingly. "Now, I've heard that you spent a romantic day with Edward Cullen" he barked out, barely able to form the words, he was seething with anger. "Now, tell me this isn't true" he asked almost weirdly politely.

I was so screwed.

"I haven't been treating him right Jake" I whispered, barely able to hear myself. "he's my oldest friend and I've been really not nice lately.. school was lame so we ditched!" I answered lamely, trying not to reflect the major danger I was in here.

Another slap against my face and I blacked out for a couple seconds.

"NO. NO. The truth is, you, like a whore KISSED him. I know you did. It's all over town. How COULD YOU embarrass me like that?!" he screamed, grabbing my arm with all his might.

I was completely hysterical at this point and I could not believe my stupidity. I did make out with Edward in front of God and everyone right after we ditched school, very publicly together.

"Now. This is what's going to happen. You're never going to speak about him or anything involving him. Ever. Again." Jake sneered "If you so much as blink in his direction I will break, no pulvarize his hands. He will never play another instrument again. You think he's going to love you then? Already damaged goods he was willing to take, but after you cause him to lose his one passion in life.. you honestly think he will be with you then?" Jake finished. So sure of his plan.

I agreed with him while I could, so terrified anxious to get away from this monster that I thought I had loved.

Crying uncontrollably, I prepared myself for the longest night of my life.


	12. Chapter 12

EPOV

When I didn't hear from Bella after an hour, I began to get worried. She said she would call me when she talked to Charlie.

I knocked on Alice's door.

She needed to know. She needed to know everything.

BPOV

I could feel my face swelling to about twice its normal size. Edward could never see me like this.

What was I going to do?

He would begin to worry right about now... He would come over here.

His life would be ruined.

Because of me.

No.

Anything but that.

Jake was eating a sandwich in the kitchen as if he hadn't just hit me repeatedly in the face. I had to find a way to hold Edward off.

If I lied, he would know.

I had to do SOMETHING and fast, before anyone else in my life was hurt by my stupid mistakes.

EPOV

Alice cried with me as I told her the truth about Bella and Jake's relationship.

She blamed herself for being a careless friend.. for not seeing the signs.

The problem was, Bella had been hiding this vehemently for months and months.

There really was no one to blame.

A feeling kept growing in my stomach.

Bella was in trouble.

I kissed Alice on the forehead and told her to call the police if she had not heard from me in 30 minutes.

She frowned worriedly at me but agreed. I told her that Charlie was home and surely Bella and Charlie were simply having an intense conversation about her current situation.

I had no idea what I was in for.

BPOV

After Jake finished up his sandwich.. he told me simply.. that he wanted me.

All of me.

My hands began to shake and I was terrified.

His eyes were blank.

"After what you did with Cullen, you owe me." he stated emphatically and roughly, grabbing me by my already tender wrist and shoving me quickly up the stairs.

"NO Jake. NO." I cried frantically, clawing at the walls "Not like this.. please.. please.. somewhere you have to realize this is wrong. Please Jake." I screamed over and over frantically trying to struggle away from him.

He shoved me into the wall just outside my bedroom door.

"Shut up Bells. Just shut up." he stated calmly... as if he wasn't contemplating forcing himself on me. "This is what you have to do sometimes for those you confess you love. You're mine.. not Cullen's and I will mark you as mine right now." he said the words detached, as if he was reading from a boring textbook.

"no" I wailed "please, please.. just.. just.. no" I whimpered, trying to get away from him, but knowing the effort was futile.

Before I knew it he had shoved me onto my bed.

Oh God, I was about to be raped.

The last thing I remember is hearing Edward's voice.

EPOV

The closer I got to Bella's house, the more I felt the urgency.

Something WAS off.

I pulled into the driver and, in horror, realized that Charlie's car was not in the driveway.

I made my way to the front door and as I was looking for the spare key under the doormat, I heard a scream "NO"

My mind went into overdrive.

I quickly opened the door and then I didn't hear anything.

Odd.

I called out for Bella but there was no response.

As I made my way up the stairs, I could feel my insides turning cold.

I called Alice on my phone, knowing that she would immediately call the cops without a word.

I opened Bella's door and was horrified at what I saw.

Jake was on top of Bella.. my sweet, innocent Bella and he was forcefully taking off her clothes.

Bella was just lying there.. as if she was having an out of body experience.

Her face was completely void of emotion and she was numb.

I tackled Jake to the floor and tried to restrain him when he realized that I was there and ruining his chances of getting away with doing something to Bella.

The last thing I remember is blinding pain.


	13. Chapter 13

APOV

Receiving a phone call from Edward was my biggest fear.

He was in trouble.

I called the police begging them to get to Charlie's house immediately.

I jumped in my porsche.. which I wasn't even supposed to know I was getting for my birthday and made my way to Bella's house.

As I pulled up to her house my eyes filled with tears. I had called Jasper on the way and he was already there.

I jumped out of the car, engine still running, coming upon a scene I would never forget.

JPOV

When Alice called me I immediately ran to Bela's house. She lived much closer to me than Alice did.

When I got there, Bella was being taken away.. she was crying hysterically and when she saw me she kept urging me to make sure Edward was ok.

I had no idea what was going on.

Then I saw Jacob Black being taken out of the house in handcuffs. He wore a wild, smug expression on his face. I had never seen a look like that in my life.

He sneered at me before the cops took him away.

To say I was in shock was an understatement.

All at once, I felt Alice's presence.

She opened her car door and sought me out. I stared at her bewildered and sadly.

I still had not seen Edward..

I don't think either of us were prepared for what came next.

APOV

I ran over to Jasper quickly.

"Bella?" I asked

"Her face.." Jasper mumbled.. trying to find the words "she was hurt.. badly.. but she kept asking about Edward."

I nodded "Jacob?" she whispered

Cops from the next town over took him away.

"Edward?' I asked with dread

Jasper looked at me hesitantly "still haven't seen him yet."

I nodded and felt numb.

As Jasper put his arms around me I cried silently.

JPOV

Edward came out of the house after about a 15 minute wait.

He was unconscious, on a stretcher and barely recognizable.

I was horrified.

I held Alice closer to me.

Seeing Edward like this would surely rip her to pieces.

APOV

I ran up to the paramedics with Jasper "He's my brother. Oh God. What's happened to him!?" I shrieked.

One of the paramedics looked at me sadly "He's very unstable. We're airlifting him to the best intensive care unit in the state"

I nodded and he prepared me to go with Edward.

The next few hours were absolutely terrible.

Edward was in surgery.

His hands were... completely pulverized.

He had multiple fractures in his arms.

Most of all, the internal damage in his stomach was almost fatal.

He was on a fine line between life and death.

My parents were in pieces.

Nothing was ok.

Most of all, they had no idea about anything that had been going on so they were completely shocked and horrified.

We all were.

As we waited for Edward to get out of his third and most important surgery, I went to check on Bella.

EPOV

Saving Bella from being raped was the most important thing to me.. possibly ever. I had never been the type to be forceful or get into fights.

I had never had anything I would risk my life to fight for.. before Bella.

I would literally walk through fire for her. I would do anything.

As I awoke from a painful fog of confusion, I saw Alice leaning over me.

"Edward" she cried, smiling through her tears "Everyone- he's awa"

"Shhh" I mumbled to her "Bella... Bella?" I said with as much strength as I could

"Edward, you saved her life." she exclaimed, pride evident in her tone.

I smiled, though it was extremely painful to do so.

"I want.... see her... where?" I mumbled, realizing my painkillers were making speech almost impossible.

"Soon, Edward. You need to rest." she smiled, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek.

A couple of hours (I thought, though apparently it had been days) I woke up.

Clearly, I had not been aware of my condition when I talked to Alice.

My hands were completely mangled. They were raised above my head in some kind of contraption.

My father was looking over my file when I attempted to speak, though it really came out as a strangled gasp.

His eyes darted to mine "Edward, you're ok, just remember that. Ultimately, that's all that matters."

I couldn't see anything, all I could feel was total and complete despair. My music. My future. My life...

But before I could continue that thought, I began to see Bella. She was my music, my future and my life. Would I trade the ability to compose or play in exchange for her?

I almost punched myself at the thought. How could I even compare the two.

She was worth more than this, my music. She was worth more than my life.

My father met my eyes, knowing my inner turmoil "I'm just so proud of you son, so very proud." he stated before I fell asleep again.


	14. Chapter 14

BPOV

I woke up in torment.

Where was Edward?

Where was I?

What was going to happen?

I cried and cried until there were no tears left.

When I began to scream for the nearest person who could answer these questions, Alice came in my room.

"Alice.." I whimpered "Edward?' I gargled, still not used to the bandages on my face.

"Oh Bella" she gasped "what has happened?" she began to cry.

I guess I looked terrible but who cared. Edward was all that I could think about

"Edward?" I whispered frantically but she just shook her head.

My heart stopped.

"He's going to be ok" she said with uncertainty.

"Alice. Honesty" I whispered hoarsely.

"His hands.. His arms.. Useless" she mumbled and that's the last thing I heard before I went into a complete and total fog.

Apparently, I was catatonic for a total of 3 days

Charlie came and went, though he was focused on building a case against Jacob.

Alice spent her time between my room and Edward's.. or so I've been told.

After the third day, Carlisle moved me into Edward's room

That's when I snapped back out of the fog.

Edward's arms were raised above his head.

His nose had been broken, and he was covered in bandages.

"Edward" I cried and everyone in the room looked shocked.. for I hadn't spoken in so long.

I touched his face with reverence.

"I love you Edward" I whispered.

His eyes fluttered open and he tried to smile as he caught my eyes.

"Love you too."

I smiled back at him before he fell back asleep.

I did not sleep as easily.

I had ruined Edward's future in music.. in life.

This was all my fault.

How could I have been so careless?


	15. Chapter 15

EPOV

I felt immediately better when I saw Bella walk into the room. I could tell she was horrified by the sight of me.

I no longer looked like myself at all. It was natural that she felt an aversion to me now that I was completely torn apart, and my hands would be of little use to me in the future. I had always known that my feeling ran more deeply than hers and I was fine with that.

I drifted back to sleep in torment that she wouldn't be there when I woke up.

BPOV

I knew there was something off in Edward's eyes as he watched me regard him. I was horrified at what I had done to him.

I single-handedly ruined his life.

He must resent me more than ever now. I was like a disease... no worse! I was a cancer or a parasite- sucking the life out of the people closest to them.

I spent the next 2 hours staring at the love of my life, tormented by how carelessly I had thrown away his future.

EPOV

When I woke up I could feel Bella as close to me as possible.

To be honest, I was completely startled.

"Bella?" I questioned

Her eyes frantically darted to mine "I... I'm sorry Edward.. I.. " she began wringing her hands.

Now this was odd.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, dreading the answer. I'm sure Alice had moved her in here against her will and Bella was too sweet to tell me she was no longer interested.

"You... You're broken" she looked down at her hands in despair.

I felt my heart drop. I wanted to reach out to hold her, but I honestly didn't know if that would ever even be possible, but especially right now.

"You don't have to stay here" I started.. agitated that she wouldn't just leave me to my despair.

"Is that..." she mumbled, tears in her voice "is that what you want?" her voice breaking at the last word.

It was then that I looked, no really looked into her eyes. She was absolutely heartbroken. I stared at her with probably the most confused expression a person has ever been able to make.

"I...I" she stuttered.

"Ok" my voice started, finally gaining strength "Just do it, please. Let's be done with it, alright?" I was completely agitated now. She didn't have to tiptoe around the whole dumping me thing.. she really needed to get to it.

She looked stricken. "I'm so sorry, I'm tormenting you by being here." I shook my head in agreement and she whimpered (which I thought was particularly strange) she began to get up from the chair next to me, though I'm not really sure where she was planning on going.

With an intake of breath she turned around and looked at me straight in the eyes "but know this Edward Cullen" he voice was shaking "I know you despise me for what I've done to you and I know you will never forgive me.. but for me, it's always been you and it will always be you. I could never possibly love anyone as much as I have always loved you. Losing you will be the biggest heartbreak of my life... but honestly I will never stop loving you." she ended with promise.

I stared back at her, dumbfounded- honestly not knowing what to say.

"Bella... I" I began but she cut me off

"I ruined your life. Everything you have, everything you hold dear. God, I can't even comprehend all that I've done to you. I can't imagine that you will ever find it in your heart to forgive me, much less look at me. The fact that you saved me from...." her voice broke and I somewhat snapped out of my trance to really comprehend what was happening "you saved me, in so many ways and it will be the biggest mystery in my life why you ever loved me in the first place. Maybe deep down, you thought I could be more than I am- and honestly.. I'm so sorry for the both of us that this simply is not the truth." she began sniffling, her defenses finally breaking "I love you Edward. Always have and always will." she smiled sadly at me, though I could see her heart breaking as she turned to leave me.

I knew, in that moment, that I could lose her.

"Bella' I strangled a gasp, as I fidgeted uselessly to get her to stay. " Wait.. please.." I murmured.

Her head whipped around in surprise and I smiled.

BPOV

Giving that speech to Edward had taken its toll. I knew it was important to let him know how much he means to me.. even if I could only do it once. I began to sob as he looked at me with love and adoration shining within his emerald eyes.

He attempted to wiggle his body to sit up more, but it was futile. He cleared his throat and with all the strength he could muster, he began "When I told you I loved you more than anything.. that included music.. my hands... Edward mumbled sadly "because without you, it means nothing. Without you.. there's no inspiration to be found. I'll say it again.. I love YOU more than ANYTHING. Any questions?" he finished strongly, and as best he could in his condition, wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me until I couldn't think straight and all of my doubts about him.. me and us were completely wiped away.

This is where I belonged.

Forever.

And the best part is, I was really beginning to think that I deserved it.


	16. Epilogue

EPILOGUE::  
5 years later

APOV

I'm sure if Edward and Bella gave you an update on their lives they would both tell you that they are blissfully happy and that nothing else matters.

I'm sure that's true..in a way.

First things first, Jazz and I got married right out of high school. No, I was not pregnant, but I AM old fashioned. I wanted to live with him in college and I refused to take our relationship to that level before marriage. We both went to NYU and while Jazz is continuing to get his PHD in psychology, I'm pregnant with our first child and doing personal shopping for the rich and famous here in New York. I love every minute of it.

Jacob Black has been in treatment for a couple of years. After that, no one really has heard from him. I know that while he was in his mental facility, he wrote to Bella and apologized. I wish I could tell you that she accepted his apology with grace and understanding, but I watched as she burned the letter and called the DA to get a restraining order against him. Since that day, she has never spoken about him to anyone but her therapist.

As for Bella and Edward, well I wish I could tell you that their road has been that easy.

After their time spent in the hospital, they were virtually inseparable.

It was almost unhealthy.

Edward began to hide the pain of his recovery from Bella, but I told him that was really stupid. I mean, he didn't quite listen to me. He didn't want her to feel guilty... but his pain was eating him alive.

After a few months, I locked Bella and Edward in his old music room and MADE them talk about it.

They came out tearful, but thankful- with a new understanding of each other.

I wish I could tell you that's when everything got better.

The truth is, Edward still can't play music... at all. I wish I could tell you it was all a happy ending.

Edward can barely use his left arm. His right arm is gaining mobility, but he really has a hard time with his fingers.

My parents were devastated when they heard of his sacrifice but so incredibly proud of him.

Edward saved Bella's life in every way possible.

Their wedding is today.

I really never thought I would see this day arrive.

This is the happy news I CAN tell you.

Edward is now a world-renown composer and writer.

He has written about 25 top 10 hits for the radio alone, not to mention symphonies and orchestra pieces that public drools over.

I asked him one day if he missed actually playing. I thought he would get mad or sad or something but he just stared at me thoughtfully as he told me that without Bella, he really would have lost his music.. so his hands in comparison to her was absolutely nothing.

I have never been more proud of my brother than in that moment.

Bella is now an author and though she has not enjoyed to monumental success like my brother, she still is doing a great job.

She's still going to counseling and I could not be more proud of her for the progress she has made.

They have finally reached the point where they can commit to eachother without guilt or shame or fear of unbalanced feelings.

I know this is the first day of the rest of their lives and I could not be more proud of both of them for fighting for each other when it mattered most.


End file.
